Neutral

Well… we are here! Minneapolis Minnesota. Counting the days until our visit is now in the negative.

We are staying at the Bobbin’ house- a little whimsical Airbnb that is part hotel and part sewing studio.

We piled on stacks of winter clothes, gloves, hats, blankets, and coats so we could walk to Bethlehem church with John and Noel Piper. Then we were honored to have lunch with them.

We drove around counting the “10,000” lakes, claiming for-sale houses, and seeing the George Floyd memorial.

And… what do I have to say, now that we are HERE?!

I guess all I have to say… is I wish I had something to say…

I feel particularly neutral. Not sure if it’s the cloudy cold weather. Not sure if it’s all too surreal and nothing is sinking in. Not sure if it’s Bobby’s giddiness that is making up for my docileness. Not sure if it’s all just too calm with only one kid, and I don’t know what to do with all my mental and physical space.

I’m just not sure.

Maybe all the hype leading up to this day has made the actual day just… come as normal.

I don’t feel bad. I don’t feel doubtful. I don’t feel negative. I don’t even feel guilty for feeling neutral.

I just feel… here. I have to keep reminding myself that this isn’t a vacation. It feels so much like a vacation. But it’s not. And when I tell myself it’s not a vacation, I am forcing myself to to do something I’ve never done. Take off your tourist Mickey Mouse hat Sarah. But, what hat do I put on instead? Do I put on a Minnesota Vikings hat, and march around as if this were my home? Do I put on a Bethlehem seminary hat, and walk around like we are accepted? Do I put on an artsy snow hat and embrace the urban, artsy fartsy life? Do I put on a head covering and go the extreme to be a fundamental conservative christian (this is sorta an inside joke…)? Maybe I should put on a MAGA hat for kicks and giggles and see what happens!

Oh man. Maybe I just don’t wear any hat at all. I’m slowly deterioting the potential of this post…

I basically have nothing to report. But I feel like I should have something to report!

So I’ll report this: I sang songs about Jesus’s faithfulness. I was reminded that the grace of God is EVERYTHING in Jesus. I love my husband. I stinking love my husband, and I’m so thankful that this season in our life is growing my love for him in ways that I never imagined. I just put my seven month old in front of the TV so I could blog. I am paranoid by my breathing (what if I have shortness of breath and I just gave COVID-19 to John Piper!). I just ate Kodiak cake cinnamon cookies. I woke up and my hair was parted a little bit over to the middle than normal, and I like it.

Like I said, I have nothing to report. Or, at least the things I have to report are scattered, meandering, unimportant, and… NEUTRAL!

Maybe tomorrow will bring in some feels. I just need some feels here people! I need some sun. I need a coffee. I need some inspiration.

So to end this post, I will end it as anticlimactic as it feels.

The end.

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